


I'll bring you back

by lightsfillthesky



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alive Allison Argent, Alive Vernon Boyd & Erica Reyes, Alpha Derek Hale, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt, Hale-McCall Pack, Hurt, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Married Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Pack Mother Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall is a Bad Friend, Suicide Attempt, True Alpha Scott McCall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-08-23 02:08:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8309644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lightsfillthesky/pseuds/lightsfillthesky
Summary: The emotions are boiling within him, he needs him. He doesn't want to say goodbye and he'll go to the end of the earth to bring him back regardless what Scott and Deaton says, he can do it.





	1. Chapter 1

He wakes up cold a shiver running down his back, he grasped around the bed it was empty. He jumps up quickly in panic but he quickly remembers that Derek must have gotten early for work, he had started working as a deputy, a couple of years ago after they started dating he would joke with the man that he was finally a functioning member of society. His father loved having Derek with him, Derek took his job seriously even if it was getting called to help a little old lady go back home.

 

_“Derek I think it’s adorable” he cooed at the man as he was sitting on his lap, the whole pack had being joking around with him after they saw him helping little girl scout cookies “You like what you do, don’t you? I’m proud of you and I think it’s quite adorable”_

_The man furrowed his eyebrows mumbling under his breath as he slowly dropped his arms that were crossed over his chest resting them on Stiles hips “Yeah?” he nodded as he traced Derek’s face lines “Of course I am big guy, I always will be” Derek leaned closer dragging the tip of nose against his throat as he slowly rubbed Derek’s bicep “Now come on big guy, let’s go to bed”_

 

He rubs the sleep away from his eyes as he descends to the kitchen; the room is cold and abandoned. He picks up Derek’s sweater on the couch placing it over his body pulling the collar up to his nose, but the scent of home is faint no longer warm like it would be. He heads to get coffee, Derek’s mug right next to his it brings a warm smile. The coffee isn’t done yet but he doesn’t mind because sometimes Derek forgets, he turns on the coffee machine as he leans against the counter fiddling with his wedding band

 

_“Yo pumpkin where are you?” he pushed the door open to their home walking past the threshold, he kept quiet as he tried to pick up on anything but he couldn’t hear Derek “Babe?” he felt a ping of panic as the possibly of what could of happened popped in his brain in till he heard his voice filter through “I’m in the backyard!”_

 

_He pushed the patio door opening “Hey I wanted to know what you wanted for din-“ he stopped cold as he saw all the fairy lights adorning the trees they had, drapes creating a makeshift tent, Derek standing in the center wearing a tuxedo “What’s this?” he stepped closer towards him, noticing how incredibly nervous he was he knew for a fact it wasn’t their anniversary because they had just celebrated their five year anniversary._

_Derek grabbed his hand, interlacing their fingers a warm smile spread across his face he just noticed Derek’s eyes were bleeding red “Stiles, I need you to let me finish what I’m going say okay?” after he gave a quick nod, Derek lifted his hand cupping Stiles cheek stroking his cheekbone “You’re everything to me, I thought I would never have this, someone to come home to, a pack that I could trust. I thought I wasn’t allowed to have any of this I thought that I didn’t deserve it after what had happened, I was content on living this life by myself but then you came along and you practically barreled through those walls. You cared, you worried about me when no else did, you would fuss when I was injured even though I could heal, got angry when Scott wanted to use me as bait, always made sure to put a distance when people got too close to me or started touching me. You cared enough to protect my family, figured out what happened all by yourself and when you vowed to protect me a scrawny 18 year old you had such determination, you looked like an alpha. It wasn’t easy trusting you, trusting myself I thought I was going to break you, everything I touched always ended in death. I knew I had to push you away but I couldn’t bring myself to. Every time I saw you, laughing with such ease even after everything that had happened to you, you never gave up, you never let me give up. I love you Stiles and I want to spend the rest of my life together, will you marry me?”_

_He was well in a puddle of tears by the end of Derek’s speech he launched himself on the man, kissing his entire face repeating, “yes of course!” he felt like his heart was going to burst in happiness_

He sipped on the coffee as he opened the patio door the fresh air hitting his face, their backyard was filled with toys from everyone’s kids they adored uncle Derek and uncle Stiles. Since they were the last ones without any kids they always got babysitting duties but they didn’t mind.

 

_He never thought he would see the day when Derek Hale was being used as a jungle gym by a bunch of two years old, he grabbed his phone taking picture of the man “You’re adorable, so who wants sandwiches?” the little army of five jumped excitedly jumping off of Derek and lunging themselves on his legs “alright puppies, go inside and wash up”_

_“They’re really cute” he watched them disappear into their home, Derek wrapping his arms around his waist settling on his stomach “I want one” he pouted at the man, Derek chuckled as he rubbed the tip of his nose against Stiles temple “me too”_

_He instantly turned around cupping Derek’s cheeks “Really? Are you sure I mean we talked about for a while but you we don’t have to rush things, I mean we aren’t ancient” Derek leaned his forehead against Stiles lightly grabbing his wrist “I’m sure”_

 

He nursed the coffee as he headed back inside to get ready; he had to buy groceries today. As he grabbed his keys, he saw Derek’s key on the hook along with his leather jacket he touched the material between his fingers reminiscing about their life.

 

As he closed the door behind him, he felt a ping of dread leaving their house, he pushed it down as he got in the black jeep.

 

* * *

 

 

He grabbed a cart picking everything he needed, all of Derek’s favorite and his own, he wanted to splurge a little. He felt a tingle as he was lifting all the bags into his car, he turned around seeing Scott from far away in the back of his mind he heard “leave now” he quickly got in the car driving away the last thing he heard was Scott calling his name.

 

It was long before he was in the safety of his home, picking up his phone and dialing Derek’s number directly going to voice mail, Derek’s grumpy confused voice filtering in, he could hear his own laugh in the background “Hey babe, I was thinking of making pasta tonight. I feel like today is a cuddle day “ he chuckled lightly as he held the phone tighter “I miss you, a lot. I want you to come home soon I love you” he hung up leaving the phone it on the counter as he started pulling out pans; he heard a knock on the front door.

 

He stood directly behind the door hearing Scott’s voice “Stiles! You can’t do this, we haven’t seen you in weeks. We know it’s hard but –“ he didn’t want to hear him, he felt his spark tingle as he lifted his palm towards the door, he heard a loud thud and groaning “Please Stiles” he turned around walking towards the kitchen, turning on the radio as he passed by putting it on the loudest setting

He didn’t want to hear him.

 

* * *

 

 He placed a warm plate of pasta directly in front of him, as he ate alone at the dinner table Derek was running late, it wasn’t common but sometimes there was a lot of paper work even if they lived in a small town. He grabbed the plate placing it in the microwave leaving a note on the counter telling Derek not to forget to heat up the food, he didn’t notice all the other notes scattered on the floor.

 

Falling asleep wasn’t easy, after sleeping with a warm furnace for the past ten years and basically using Derek as a pillow being by himself in their big spacious bed was daunting.

 

It was well into the morning before he finally felt himself fall asleep.

 

* * *

 

 

He noticed Derek didn’t come home but he didn’t let the panic raise, he walked towards the whiteboard where they wrote down important dates they had. In Derek’s writing the message read ‘be safe, I’ll be back’ he knew he always would.

 

His phone started blaring he check the caller ID, it was his father he quickly picked up, maybe it was about Derek “Hey Dad, how are you?” his father was silent on the other line “Scott came over yesterday, Stiles you need to let Derek go. He wouldn’t want this” he hung up abruptly, he felt his breathing start to labor, he gripped the counter tightly _why would he say that, Derek's fine, he’s perfectly fine_ he bottled everything down taking deep breaths, he noticed it was cold his home no longer smelled like home.

 

* * *

 

 

He spent weeks at home, barely leaving their room, it had gotten worse when the pack members tried to talk to him, talking about Derek like he wasn’t here, like he wasn’t coming home. He could feel the dulling pain in his chest but he was going to be fine, Derek was going to come home.

 

He woke up completely drenched in his own sweat instantly searching for Derek’s hand but it wasn’t there he stood up searching for his phone as he dialed Derek’s number, the voicemail message soothing him just a tiny bit “Hey love, I –“ he choked back a sob “I really miss you, I want you to come home, I need you.” he hung up gripping the phone between his fingers as he tried to take deep breathes as he curled in on himself grabbing the Derek’s sweater his trembling hands gripping the material, he was going to be fine, Derek was fine.

 

* * *

 

 

He was outside watering his plants when Isaac stood in front of him, his eyes completely blood shot as he slowly inched his way closer to Stiles “Stiles” he heard the man whimper. Something inside him to him to go comfort him but another told him to back away to go back inside “We need you Stiles, the sheriff tried to explain it to me, I know you lost everything but we lost an alpha and we don’t want to lose you too”

 

He throat closed up as memories started flowing back he pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes _no no no_ he started walking back “Stiles please, we need you” he felt his skin on fire, his whole body going ridged _stop talking stop talking_ his palms burned up as he placed a barrier between him and Isaac “Don’t” he heard the man whimper as he locked his patio door heading towards Derek’s office, he started feeling his throat close up as he opened the door just like the house, Derek’s office was cold no longer carrying the warmth their home use to have.

 

* * *

 

 

It was cold, his body shivered as he walked further in to the preserve he had a choice, he knew what he had to do. The pain was overwhelming eating away at him, he picked up the phone calling Derek’s number, Derek’s voice making his sob “Hey pumpkin, I love you so much you know that? I remember when we first meet I was like whoa since when have I been attracted to dude? Because of you I may have had a lot of sleepless nights trying to finally come to terms with who I was. I remember when I first saw you smiling I literally melted I always wanted to see you smile, I wanted to be the one who made you smile forever, which I will admit was a bit selfish but I didn’t care. I wanted to protect you with all I had, with all my strength and- “ the tears were staining his cheeks “But I failed you, I remember now”

 

_Stiles slammed his palms against the wooden “don’t you fucking dare Scott, we will not be using Derek as bait do you understand? I thought you grew out of this pathetic phase, why Derek? Because we don’t have kids so it doesn’t matter? Or is it because Derek won’t say no to you? Don’t turn around, answer me!” Scott actually had the decency to look sheepish_

_“Love, it’s okay” Derek splayed his hand on his lower back_

_“No it’s not, we’ve never dealt with something like this. We don’t even fully know what it is, you could die and I’m not letting that happening, do you understand me Derek Alexander Hale? I can’t lose you. This shit plan that Scott wants to do is a no go do you understand me?”_

_Derek’s face softens “Bringing out the big guns huh? Okay” he pressed a warm kiss on Stiles forehead, his anger instantly leaving his body “shut up”_

_What he didn’t know that time is that it didn’t matter that the plan was a no go because the harpy suddenly appeared in their backyard standing right behind Stiles, raking one of her claws all along his back reaching his waist, making him scream in pain. Derek placed himself in front of Stiles a thunderous roar was unleashed that made the creature stagger back. “Derek, don’t” he lifted his hand to grab Derek’s hand, Derek kneeled down in front of him cupping face “I’ll never let anything happen to you, I love you” he pulled back as the harpy started flapping it’s wings staring directly at Derek._

_All he could do was watch as the blood started making him dizzy, he tried to wield his spark but something was blocking it, he heard Scott’s roar break through the mist. Derek was bleeding profusely his body covered in slashed, suddenly in the blink of an eye Derek dropped to his knees clutching his stomach as blood started pouring out of mouth and wound._

_He felt something snap inside him, the scream escaping his body as he felt everything tense he lifted his palms as the creature stalked forward, he could hear Derek calling his name tilling him to move but he held his ground, fire started spilling out his hands completely consuming the harpy as she shrieked trying to get away he incased her in a circle._

_He ignored the pains in his palms and the burning sensation on his back as he ran towards Derek. He cradled Derek’s head in his lap “Derek, you’re going to be okay, everything will be okay” he felt a sob escape his body as he saw the gaping wound on his stomach crossing all the way to his heart, tears started falling down his cheeks, Derek slowly lifted his hand up to cup Stiles cheek, grazing his thumb across his bottom lip “You need to promise me something baby”_

_“Anything” he placed his hand over Derek’s heart, blood staining his palms as he tried to zone on Derek’s heartbeat_

_“Promise you’ll live, don’t stay by yourself don’t stay in this big house, don’t turn in to me”_

_He felt his heart drop, his fingers tremble as he tried to keep his breathing even “Derek please don’t leave me, I need you big guy, you and me against the world remember?”_

_Derek lightly chuckled, wincing as he threaded his fingers with Stiles “I’m sorry that I couldn’t keep my promise” He leaned down pressing his lips against Derek, a whimper escaping his body as he felt Derek’s usually warm lips turning colder he tried to push ever ounce of his feeling into the kiss, feeling Derek’s fingers in his hair he pulled back their nose lightly touching “I love you Derek, please don’t leave me” he choked out_

_Derek pulled him closer nuzzling into Stiles throat, taking in his mate’s scent one last time “Promise me Boyd, that you’ll protect Stiles” his pack was surrounding him, all whimpered as they heard Derek’s heartbeat slowing down, death permeating the air. Erica’s makeup was ruining down her face as she clutched on to Boyd, her whole body trembling. Boyd posture was rigid as tears started swelling in his eyes “I promise Alpha Hale, we won’t leave him” They were going to lose their alpha, there eyes flashing as they felt the bond slowly disintegrate._

_Stiles tensed as he pulled back searching Derek’s eyes, Derek’s breathing was slowing down he had a sad smile on his “you gave me everything I could of ever wanted Stiles, thank you” he felt tears burn in his eyes, his throat squeezing shut, he didn’t want him to go, he didn’t want this “I love you Derek” he felt the hand that Derek’s was squeezing slowly go limp, the mate bond snapping, Lydia’s scream breaking the silence. He felt like his heart was shattering into pieces, he pulled Derek closer rocking him back and forth “please” he whimpered, he felt Scott stepping closer “Get away from him, get away from me” he lifted his gaze, his palms burning up “Leave now” he let his alpha voice sip through even if Scott was an alpha he started backing up “Go now” he barked out._

_He wailed, he cursed, he pleaded for his life he needed him back, he stayed with Derek till the sun rose, he felt the warmth slowly leaving. The ache in his heart growing, he felt numb he saw movement in the corner of his eyes but he didn’t care he didn’t want to live anymore._

_He jolted when he felt a warm hand on his shoulder, his father’s eyes were swelled in tears as he kneeled down beside him “He’s gone dad, he’s gone!” he screamed as he gripped onto his father’s shirt feeling like a small child, gripping the man’s shirt as hard as he could. He felt Derek’s body being pulled away from him “No! don’t!” he turned around to see Deputy Parrish lifting Derek’s lifeless body, His father gripped him tighter “Stiles, you can’t stay with him” his father whispered in his ear, but he didn’t care they couldn’t take him away, he scratched his father, screamed bloody murder as he tried pulling away, he felt another presence it was Boyd grabbing his hand preventing himself from getting hurt. They placed Derek in a body bag, the last thing he saw was Derek’s face “Don’t! He doesn’t like being alone, please”_

“I can’t Derek, you once told me mates we’re different, that your wolf knew I was your mate, well so did I, the moment I saw you it felt like I could finally breath. I knew I’d be with you till we were old men surrounded by blankets and a bunch of old dogs. I wanted that Derek, with you”

 

He sat down on the cold wet forest floor “You asked me to live but I can’t Derek every thing I look at, I remember you. You consumed my life and then you left” he dug his finger nails into his thigh “I’m sorry Derek but I have to break your promise” he turned off the phone setting it on the wet floor, the rain starting to pick up as he laid down, letting the drops of water fall on his face.

 

He doesn’t know how long he laid there, he no longer could feel the tip of his fingers, his lips trembling probably turning purple. The wind started picking up, making him shiver as he treaded towards the cliff.

 

He stood at the edge overlooking Beacon Hills closing his eyes as he let the memories consume him he’d come here with Derek many times, this is where he told Derek he loved him for the first time, where he organized their first anniversary, spent their first summer together, their 4th of July. He remembers how Derek gave him jacket when he started shivering telling him was an idiot for not bringing a hoodie, how he gave a locket to Derek engraved with the name of his family. He squeezed his eyes tighter as he felt the pain burn again in his heart. He opened his eyes looking at all the stars across the sky, touching the scar he had on his waist “I’m sorry Derek” he took one last step when he suddenly heard a whisper in his ear, Derek’s voice _don’t stiles_ he turned around but he was completely alone.

 

Derek’s voice vibrated in his bones as he fell to the ground, knees slamming placing his hand over his mouth, sobs resonating in the air “I need you back, this isn’t fair” He lookup at the sky “Derek had done everything, he lost his family, was betrayed, used and he never gave up. He tried so hard and he was finally happy, finally loved, we were starting a family and you can’t take him away. You can’t do this to me, to him you owe him for everything he has done. He’s bleed for the pack and for others. I can feel Erica and Boyd’s sadness through the bonds, they loved Derek, he was a father to them, you can’t take that away, you can’t do that. Deaton told me I was powerful but for what? I can’t bring him back! “ he rubbed his cheeks “I’ve done everything in my power to help people, help this town, packs and other supernatural creatures but I promise you, that if you don’t bring him back, I won’t do anything! I might not be able to take my life but I can do this. I’ll sit in this spot till you bring him back!” he gripped the dirt between his fingers as he rested his back against a tree, taking deep breaths as the world slowly turned to darkness

 

* * *

 

 

“Stiles, you’re freezing” He opens his eyes to see, Erica and Boyd kneeling in front of him, both of them looking awful, dark circles underneath their eyes “Come on, let’s get you home."

 

“Derek is home” he whispered, he leaned back closing his eyes “I’m not leaving, I won’t leave”

 

“Stil-“ Boyd touched her shoulder, giving her a small smile. He sat besides Stiles taking his hand in his. Erica looked between them as she did the same, leaning her weight against him. They sat quietly for hours, he told them his resolve, told him if they wanted they could find another pack “I promised Derek I would protect you” Boyd voice was wavering “You’re our alpha Stiles, you have been for years. We abandoned Derek once, we don’t plan on making the same mistake twice” Erica curled around his arm “Plus I like your plan, it’s nice out here”

 

He nodded; warmth feeling his chest knowing his betas weren’t leaving “Derek loved it out here, when he was in full wolf form we’d sit here, his head on my lap as I read whatever book Derek found interesting, I miss him. It hurts and I’m sorry because I know it hurts you as well”

 

Erica whined as she nuzzled Stiles throat “Tell us another story about you guys”

 

He lifted his hand passing his hand through her hair as he gripped Boyd’s hand tighter “When you guys went to go visit Cora in Brazil. I thought we would just be lazy around the house but then he came home, so excited practically a puppy. He had bought plane tickets, to go to New York. I remember how excited he was showing me where Laura and him had an apartment together, where he use to work, the morning walks he’d take in central park. He didn’t seem sad about it not like when we first meet him he enjoyed the memories. He told me he’d forget sometimes and pictured Laura walking around, being in a pack somewhere, happy.”

 

He let the comfortable silence fall between them, it ached remembering Derek’s warm smile, seeing him drink his coffees sitting on the bench feeding him cupcakes.

 

“Cora’s getting here tomorrow” Boyd voice suddenly dropped.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut remembering snippets of the conversation calling her, her voice laughing he didn’t even say hello but she immediately started asking if he was okay. He just let the words fall out of his mouth _Derek’s gone_ someone else took the phone away from him, he thought it had been Lydia but he doesn’t know.

 

“We want him back too” Boyd said

 

* * *

 

 

He was back in the house, Erica and Boyd staying in their old bedroom not wanting to leave him alone, maybe they could smell what he almost did or felt it through the pack bonds he doesn’t know. He was sitting on the floor of the shower, the hot water running down his back the warmness hadn’t returned to his body yet.

 

He opened the bathroom door, their bedroom was daunting, the bed was mocking him, Derek’s book on the nightstand making his hand tremble, he walked towards their closet pulling out Derek’s sweater and the warm blanket they used to cuddle. He sat in the middle of the bed, he grabbed his phone waiting for the caller to pick up “I need a favor”

* * *

 

 He left in the early morning leaving his betas a note, telling he’d be back for dinner that he just needed some time before facing Cora. It’d been four hours since he left.

 

He was meeting up with a witch he meet once when he first discovered his spark she told him he could help him break the shackles imposed on him. Deaton had been useless telling him there was no way he could bring Derek back, that it wasn't ethical. He didn’t care about ethics he had been told many times he was powerful, 'you could destroy the world powerful' and if he could do that he could bring the man he loves back.

 

The door swung open “Hey Bonnie, I need your help”

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cried when i was writing this, the tags will be updated along with how the story develops.
> 
> Tell me what you think, advice is appreciated. thank you for reading! 
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> Derek's pack: Stiles, Erica, Boyd and Jackson and Cora (they will appear later) 
> 
> Scott's pack: Issac, Allison, Lydia


	2. the wind makes me cold

He was sitting in the middle of the apartment surrounded by candles, they were slowly levitating in the air as Bonnie scurried around the kitchen. She brought out a brush and a bowl “I need you to take off your shirt” she smiled warmly at him as she knelt down.

 

He unbuttoned his shirt laying it across his laps watching her dip the brush in the bowl, black pigment dripping from it as she drew all over his chest, arms and face. The smell of charcoal permeating the air “this will open your spark but beware it will make you go through trails to prove your strength, it will make you see things that aren’t there. You’ll feel a burning sensation pooling from your stomach all the way to your heart.” He nodded “Do you know how long it will take?”

 

“Depends on you, other’s have done it in a week, other’s take months. It depends on your personal resolve it won’t be easy. It will mentally exhaust you to the point you will have a dissociation of reality, you won't know what's real and what's not. I recommend not pushing more than you can handle”

 

* * *

 

 

He was driving back home, all the sigils had already infused into his body they felt like old wounds slowly re opening making him shiver. Erica had texted him that Cora had arrived with Jackson, a part of him wanted to scream. Cora had lost so much; even though she stayed in South America she constantly stayed in contact, sent Derek letters, called him on his birthday, and would try to skype them once a week.

 

Their relationship had blossomed after so many years apart, an unintentional shift that had been wedged between them and now having all those memories resurfaced, all those feelings that they had past through thrown in her face once more. He couldn’t be there for her, he could hear her wails on the phone but he had been so numb, so disconnected he couldn’t

 

He gripped the steering wheel as another wave of pain hit him, the dulling sensation was bubbling in a psychical response, he felt the bile rising in his throat burning the walls of his mouth he swallowed it down making tears escape down his cheeks. It felt lonely driving by himself now. In the corner of his eye he could see Derek laughing with his sunglasses on as he sang along to the music they were playing. He involuntary reached across the seat but then the image disappeared his fingers trembled as he brought it back to the steering wheel _it will be okay, I’ll bring him back_

 

* * *

 

 

He stepped out of the jeep, the lights in his home were turned on he could feel his betas, their anxiety and worry growing. He can’t move, he can’t bring himself to walk inside. He started rubbing his scar underneath his shirt on his stomach.

 

The door swung open, Cora’s eyes swelled with tears, her eyes flashing as she locks eyes with him before he can even speak, she has her face pressed into his neck, tears coating his throat. Her body trembling as he wrapped his arms around her pulling her closer. It all bubbles up.

He hears Derek’s voice calling him he turns towards the backyard, he sees Derek, the Derek he meet when he was 16 all leather jacket and frown it breaks him inside his knees buck underneath him.

 

Cora and him are holding on to each other as they dropped to the ground, it confuses his senses, having Cora so near she smelled just like Derek with her own personal aroma mixed in. He gripped her tighter, he could hear sobs he doesn’t know if it came from her or him but it sent a jolt of sorrow through his system.

 

Someone is crouching right in front of him, Jackson flashing his beta blue eyes as he cups Stiles neck “I’m sorry” he cries as he pulls him closer. Jackson had always been  part of their pack even if he choose to stay in London he tried to visit them as much as he could but he still had nightmares being in Beacon Hills. He felt his chest compress as he was consumed in heat from all his betas surrounding him.

 

* * *

 

 

He shivered as they stood in the cemetery the wind picking up, feeling like pricks on his skin. A pit of darkness consuming him by the second all though Erica was holding his hand he felt nothing. In the corner of his eye he can see Derek standing looking at them, this time he’s a bit older and he’s smiling at him, he feels his head throbbing. He looked at the tombstone in front of him _Derek Hale husband, friend, son & brother _he faintly hears everyone talking around him but he can’t. He kneels down tracing Derek’s name he glances up and Derek’s right there looking at him with a warm smile, his breath gets stuck in his throat as he lifts his hand to touch him, he’s disappears.

 

 

* * *

 

The pack brought him to Scott’s home, his father was there as well. Everyone was dressed in black while the children played in the backyard, they tried asking him where uncle Derek was, he felt anger in an instance, Scott hadn’t told them. He must have smelled his anger when he ushered them outside.

 

“Son, how are you feeling?” he didn’t tell them he could see Derek standing in the corner his mouth moving but no noise coming out, he shifted his gaze back to his father “I don’t know what you want me to answer” he didn’t want to be here, he didn’t want to be near anyone.

 

He stood up walking towards the porch feeling trapped and confined, he didn’t belong here he was wasting his time. Scott walked out standing next to him, both men standing in silence for a few minutes “Stiles, you have to let him go, it’s been weeks and I know it can’t be easy but look at you, you’re barely eating, you haven’t left your home. We’re worried about you, he wouldn’t want this”

 

He squeezed his eyes shut “Don’t Scott, don’t talk for him just don’t. You didn’t care when you wanted him to be bait for the harpy, you didn’t care what could have happened. What if it would’ve been Allison? Would you have just let her go? Just like that? No you wouldn’t and I wouldn’t be in your shoes telling you to get over it” his palms burned against the railing, leaving scorch marks.

 

Cora growled behind them as she placed herself between him and Scott “Watch your mouth” her fangs protruding from her gums, his betas started spilling from the door encasing him in a circle. Boyd up front with his arms crossed over his chest “We’re leaving” Isaac stood at the entrance alongside Lydia their eyes shifting as they watched the tension unfold.

 

“This doesn’t have to happen” Scott answered

 

“It does if you're acting like my brother’s death is nothing” Cora yelled, her claws extending as she slashed Scott’s cheek drops of blood falling on Scott's shirt, he grabbed her hand “Let’s go”

 

* * *

 

He dreamt of fire, chains and a hospital room. He was running his skin burning as he saw the sigils glowing on his skin. There was a wooden door at the end of the hall, the lights started flickering as he reached towards the doorknob.

 

It was an empty room with a symbol on the ceiling, blood oozing from the walls as he hears footsteps echoing, he glanced over his shoulder but no one was there. He walked closer towards the center of the room, the sigils on him glowing more than before. He felt liquid dripping from his eyes, he brought his fingers to touch it _blood_ pain spread throughout his stomach as he doubled over, vomiting black ooze, dripping from his nose. It didn’t stop, the ooze kept on pouring from his mouth he couldn’t breathe.

 

He jolted awake gasping for air his palms covered in black char as he struggled with the covers, he ran towards the bathroom, his kneels slamming on the floor as he emptied his stomach in the toilet. He walked towards the sink turning on the tap as he let the water rinse his mouth he grabbed a towel rubbing his mouth as he glanced at his reflection.

 

His eyes were glowing white.

 

* * *

 

He sat on the porch swing drinking hot coffee he watched the trees swaying, the creaking the only thing audible outside. He felt something next to him, he turned around “Derek” he whispered. He was right there, wearing the sweater he gave him for Christmas, pushing his glass as they were slipping down his face with a book in his hand. He slowly reached forward to touch his shoulder this couldn’t be true, he couldn’t be here, he knew it was an illusion but what if

 

He felt Derek’s warmth under his fingertips, Derek turning to look at him “Hey love” he gasped dropping his coffee on the floor, his voice was like honey, making his inside heat up. Erica yelled for him “Stiles? Are you okay?” as he glanced towards the door “I’m okay” when he turned back, he was gone.

 

He squeezed his eyes shut, controlling the turmoil inside him he took deep breaths _I’ll bring him back_ the ache kept growing in his heart, he started rubbing his chest _no ma_ tter _what_

 

* * *

 

Deaton came over alongside Scott, he crossed his arms over his chest as he walked down the steps “What are you doing here?”

 

“I wanted to know that you weren’t doing anything reckless” Deaton responded, his expression neutral as he glanced across his property

 

“You are not my emissary, you do not have a say in my pack. This is Hale property and I want you gone.”

 

“Stiles please” Scott pleaded

 

“No Scott. Doc never cared did you? He never trusted Derek, always talked like Derek was a monster, a criminal. Because of you and you’re fucked up morals, you didn’t warn Talia about the fire, you let him have this guilt for years because it was against what you thought was ' 'the balance that was needed'. I want you gone” he let his alpha voice drip through

 

“You haven’t answered me Stiles, have you done anything reckless?”

 

“It’s alpha mate Hale to you now fuck off” He narrowed his eyes at the man, Boyd appearing right beside him “You heard him, leave now before you regret it” Boyd flashed his beta gold eyes. Jackson leaning against the front door his arms crossed over his chest.

 

They watch the men disappear back in to the woods “They’re gone” he nodded as he headed back inside, as he was passing by Jackson he felt the pain in his chest re appearing making him gasp in pain. “What happened?” Jackson grabbed his hand, leeching his pain away wincing when he felt the pain Stiles was in.

 

* * *

 

 

“You’re doing something aren’t you” Erica said as she brought a blanket to wrap him in.

 

He closed his eyes, his head on Cora’s lap as she passed her hand through his hair. He could tell them, it was already done there wasn’t anything they could do now “I’m going to bring him back, I’m unshackling my spark. That’s where I went yesterday. I have to go through trails” he closed his eyes “I’ve been seeing him, I saw him this morning, he talked to me. That’s what the trails are suppose to do, Bonnie told me it’ll push me mentally to see if I’m worthy.”

 

“But what will happen with you?” Boyd asked

 

“I don’t know but I don’t care. When my mom passed away I thought that there couldn’t be any worse pain, it felt like my heart was breaking I spent years with this guilt. I never thought I would ever have to feel like that but with Derek- It felt like I was dying, like half of me just gone. I can’t – he’s everything for to me. I know I can bring him back” he curled in on himself

 

Cora kissed his temple “There’s nothing we can say to change your mind can we?” he shook his head “Don’t push yourself, I know you’ve done things that no else can do. Derek always said you were a stubborn mule. I’m not biased, I want my brother back but you’re family and I can’t lose you, I can lose more family”

 

He couldn't promise her anything, he felt a dread building inside him. 

 

 


	3. Black piercing eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally abandoned this story why? i have no idea maybe because i'm a horrible person??? who knows but i'm back and i want to continue this story so for now a small update.

He woke up completely engulfed in warmth, all the aches in his body that he has felt this entire time slowly disappearing, he followed the warmth burrowing himself, in till he felt it. He was pressed against someone, he reached forward, his fingers feeling the soft material “Love, you need to wake up”

 

Opening his eyes he was face to face with his Derek, he gently lifted his hands cupping Derek’s face “you aren’t real” he whispered. He could feel the bile bubbling up inside him as he gazed into Derek’s eyes, they were filled with life it played with his mind “Love, I’m right here” he felt tears stain his cheeks “You aren’t real” he whispered, he pressed their foreheads together, his gaze locked onto Derek’s.

 

“You can’t bring me back” Derek’s eyes slowly turned black, the warmth he radiated no longer there

 

“I will” he slowly pulled back, swinging his legs off the bed as he lifted himself off the bed. As he closed the door, he saw Derek vanishing. He rubbed the ache forming in his chest as he walked down the stairs _I’m the first one up_ he started pulling pots and pans, preparing breakfast for his pack.

 

It was something he knew, something he could stay concentrated, ignoring everything else, allowing himself to fall into an easy rhythm, humming along as he flipped the pancakes. Slowly his betas started padding down the stairs helping him set the table, he felt Cora’s arm slither underneath his arms embracing him as she rocked the both of them back and forth “I heard you this morning, are you okay?” she pressed a warm kiss on his cheek.

 

He closed his eyes, leaning back “I will be, it isn’t getting easier but- could you hear him?”

 

She shook her head “I could hear you waiting for someone to answer but I couldn’t hear anyone else”

 

“Even though I see him, it isn’t really him. I don’t know what’s worst seeing a ghost of who he was or whatever I saw earlier” he placed the last pancake on a large plate “come on, I don’t have to be a werewolf to know you’re hungry” he gave her a small smile.

 

As he sat at the table, Derek’s spot untouched he placed a small amount of food on his plate. He didn’t fancy food anymore, nothing tasted the same as before. He placed his elbow on the table, his cheek resting against his open palm as he glanced around the table, closing his eyes as he remembered

 

_“aww dearbear, you only look cuter when you pout” he straddled Derek’s hips running a hand down Derek’s face “Fine if you want it’ll be our own secret”_

_“Promise?” Derek mumbled_

_“I promise” he smiled “Now come on, everyone is going to get here soon and you know how Jackson gets, cranky like a baby” he stood up, heading towards the kitchen_

_“You baby him too much” Derek smiled as he followed Stiles._

_Stiles turned around eyes wide “me?” he gawked “you’re the one who buys whatever their little heart desires, if I’m not wrong you were the on who bought Erica that ridiculous expensive gown she wanted last week” he winked at him_

_He could hear Derek grumble behind him, turning to look at his husband Derek had his arms crossed over his chest “Fine, we’re both softies” he gave him a warm smile as he closed the distance between them, he pressed a warm chaste kiss on Derek’s lips “Now come on hubby, you’re helping me make lunch”_

“Stiles, you okay?” he turned to look at Boyd, all his betas were looking at him “Fine, was just remembering” he gave them a weak smile.

 

* * *

 

 He watched as his betas cleaned the entire house, they sat him in the living room wrapped in a large soft blanket with a cup of tea, Cora was fussing as she called another pack they had an alliance with, she was still worried about Scott.

 

Truthfully so was he, he had the same feeling he had before something incredibly bad happened. Everything Scott has done till now rubbed him the wrong way but his focus was more on Deaton, he had asked Erica to keep an eye on the man. He knew Deaton knew he did something.

 

Knowing the man, he’d convince Scott he was into necromancy or something along those lines  and instigate him a pack war.

 

“You’re afraid of a pack war too?” Cora asked as she slung herself on one of the couches, pulling up her hair into a ponytail

 

“Did I say that out loud?” he asked

 

“No, I just know you” she winked

 

He chuckled lightly as he took a sip of his tea “I don’t want to think that Scott is capable of doing that but what we’ve seen so far doesn’t leave much to interpretation, ideally he’d talk to us, no fighting but-”

 

“Deaton is a manipulative asshole” Erica spoke up as she sat besides Cora lifting her legs and placing them on her lap

 

“Scot’s a big boy, he can choose what to do” Boyd answered

Jackson sat besides Stiles “McCall isn’t that stupid”

 

“Let’s hope” Cora sighed as she lifted her gaze towards the ceilings “Hey do you guys remember when Derek would binge eat a ton of chocolate on Halloween? And then complain like a puppy his head snuggled on Stiles lap”

 

“That was hilarious” Erica snickered “Oh! What about the time, he tried to be super stealthy telling us he had “forgotten” about our Christmas presents”

 

“A giant marshmallow really” Stiles smiled “I remember when Boyd came home when he finally was able to buy the library, he was so excited basically a proud father, he immediately went to the storage unit to grab all the books you could need”

 

He could see a blush forming on Boyd’s cheeks “I still have them, I couldn’t sell those”

 

They stayed well into the night talking about their alpha, all the adventures they’ve had, the energy in the house changed, shifting to something more pleasant, something more warm. The energy filling his spark with hope, he could see Derek in the corner of the room, he was smiling, arms crossed and wearing a Christmas sweater

 

Suddenly howls pierced the air, every wolf instantly flashing their eyes, their fangs and claws elongating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stiles being pampered by his pack is my drug
> 
> Did you like it?
> 
> like the direction is going?
> 
> Thoughts on Scott?


	4. Cracks

“That can’t be good” he stood up, the blanket pooling around his feet, he turned to look at Cora as she walked towards the door opening it, her head tilting side to side “It isn’t Scott that’s for sure”

 

“Alright kiddos, I can feel your anxiousness. Calm down you know what to do, we’ve dealt with this before” he cracked his knuckles, the energy within drumming underneath his body, now that his spark was being unshackled he wonders what more he could do, he hasn’t tested the limitations.

 

Stepping outside, the cold air hitting his face, he could see another pack forming on the edge of his property, he squared his shoulders standing tall in the corner of his eyes he saw his pack falling into formation, on his left stood Cora and to his right stood Boyd.

 

He could hear the growling increase from both sides, as they got closer he could distinguish six silhouettes. The territory was enclosed with Derek and his own blood mixed with his magic, it helped against foreign werewolves to prevent them from passing in to their land without their permission.

 

_“Derek, this is like the best idea I’ve ever had” Stiles beamed as he kneeled down on the forest floor_

_“Yeah if we want you to bleed to death, why your blood?” Derek asked exasperated as he kneeled besides Stiles popping out his claw, lightly dragging it across Stiles index finger and his own_

_“Because we’re married, you know your mate, the love of your life, the reason you breath” he winked “No but honestly its because I’m your emissary” he let the blood drip over the bag he dug in the dirt, watching as Derek did the same “We have to change them in about a decade I guess?”_

_“You guess?” Derek quirked an eyebrow_

_“Hey this isn’t exactly rocket science, I can feel the magic dying so call it an educated guess” he grinned, he patted Derek’s knee “Now come on honey bun we still have four bags left”_

 

Crossing his arms over his chest as he eyed the pack in front of him, he waited for them to speak first, he doesn’t know whether Derek’s news has traveled, they tried to keep it quiet to avoid these situations.

 

“We’re here for the alpha of these territory” the taller man spoke, he had harsh scars over his face, traveling down his throat, blue eyes contrasting the darkness around them

 

“There are two, which one” he responded, his voice stern as he glanced across the rest of the pack, he could sense they had three werewolves and one human

 

“Hale” the man, responded, a small smirk appearing on his face

 

Cora inched forward “Why?” she kept her voice calm but her body was completely rigid

 

“We heard he’s dead and we’re looking for territory” a woman grinned, inching forward.

 

He could hear his pack snarling but he kept himself calm, his magic pulsing around him “Well sadly this territory isn’t up for grabs, this is Hale territory, Hale blood travels through the land so leave now” he let his eyes turn white, letting his magic filter through the air, the wind started picking up traveling his scent towards the adjacent pack.

 

The woman sneered extending her claws as she took another step forward, immediately stopped by the alpha by placing a hand on her shoulder, digging his own claws into her skin “Back down” he whispered in her ear, he lifted his gaze towards Stiles “My mistake then, we will be leaving”

 

Stiles watched as they slowly walked away he didn’t turn away in till he no longer saw them, his magic no longer sensing them.

 

“Vultures” Cora spat out, he automatically grabbed her hand, seeing her shoulders sag instantly “Come on, let’s go back inside” he said, gently tugging her in the direction of the house.

 

His phone started ringing, quickening his pace he grabbed his cellphone from the couch “Hello?”

 

“Are you okay?” Scott’s voice filtered in, a bit panicked and he could hear voices in the background  


“Yeah, everything is fine. Someone wanted to claim the land, they left and nobody got hurt” he answered pressing the phone between his ear and shoulder as he picked up the blanket from the floor rolling it up in a ball “Did you also hear the howls?”

 

“Yeah, that’s good, that everyone is fine” Scott answered

 

“Oh” that created a lot of questions in his mind, the first one was why Scott didn’t come to help, he started gnawed on his bottom lip as he sat back down “well bye then” he hung up before Scott could answer back, staring at the wall more questions filtered into his mind, would more packs come to defy them, would he have no help from Scott, would others come just for blood, how long could the secret last, how long before he could bring back Derek, he doesn’t know the effects it will have on his body, on Derek’s body, could they still defend their territory.

 

“-itles, Stiles!” Erica’s face suddenly appeared in front of him, gripping his knees as she knelt in front of him “I can literally hear your mind going a mile a minute, I remember a certain someone telling me to take it day by day” she gave him a warm smile “Come on, we’re going to have a giant cuddle fest go change and we’ll get everything ready”

 

She lifted him off the couch pushing him lightly towards the stairs “so bossy” he smiled leaning towards her he pecked her cheek, pulling back and pressing their foreheads together “thank you” he whispered.

 

The whole entire floor was covered with fuzzy blankets, he came downstairs to everyone sitting on the floor each wearing the onesies he once got them as joke. He felt a throbbing in his heart as he saw them, the only thing missing was Derek.

 

Laying down, every started fussing and bickering, he’s pretty sure Cora kicked Jackson’s head “you guys have five seconds to lay down and fall asleep” Erica dropped down besides Stiles swinging an arm over his chest as she pressed herself against him, her head right underneath his chin. Boyd laid beside her, his hand resting on Stiles stomach.

 

He missed this but mostly he missed Derek’s presence beside him.

 

Jackson was sprawled near Stiles leg, his face pressed against Stiles thigh, he was the one who immediately started complaining about the heat which made Cora kick him till he moved further down.

 

Cora grumbled beside him as she pressed her face in the crook of his neck, to anyone else they’d think they were the most dysfunctional pack that constantly bickered but he adored them, they were his family “I love you guys” he ran a hand down Cora’s back.

 

“We love you too batman” Erica rubbed her cheek against his shirt

 

He feel asleep engulfed in warmth, a different warmth than he was use to but a welcoming warmth nonetheless.

 

* * *

 

 

“A meeting with Deaton? You want me to go to a meeting with Deaton?” Stiles answered warily “Why can it just be us?” He asked, he was sitting at the dinning table, his laptop opened in front of him, it was strange facetiming someone who was literally ten minutes away, he had asked why they couldn’t see each other somewhere neutral but Scott preferred it this way. He could sense the stares from his pack that were all trying to pry from the kitchen.

 

“Deaton doesn’t think that’s a good idea” Scott answered

 

He sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose “Scott, you’re a grown man, we’ve been friends for years. What do you think I’m going to do? honestly”

 

“Deat- be honest Stiles are you doing something dangerous to bring Derek back”

 

He squeezed his eyes shut “It isn’t dangerous to anyone but myself”

 

“Stiles-“ he could hear the pleading in Scott’s voice “Why?”

 

“Why Scott? Don’t you get it already? He’s my everything, the person I love completely and your asking me why? Why wouldn’t I try everything in my power to bring him back? If it were you, you’d stop at nothing to bring back Allison and you know I’d be supporting you 100% so why can’t you support me? Why can’t you trust that I know what I’m doing? Why can’t you trust me after so many years? You trusted Derek, I know you cared for him so why, why? Don’t look at me like that Scott, answer me!”

 

“Because what if it was meant to be?” Scott answered timidly 

 

He could feel the anger boil inside him, without knowing his eyes turned white “you actually have the nerve to say that, what if it’s meant to be? Do you know how fucking stupid you sound? If it was meant to be, our parents and Lydia should have died when fucking Jennifer blake happened, I should be dead after the nogitsune, Erica and Boyd should be dead when the alpha pack happened. We should all be dead, but that hasn’t stopped us.” He took a deep breath as he held up a hand stopping Scott from talking

 

“I’m fucking magic, you’re a fucking werewolf and you want to talk about meant to be. We’ve constantly done things against the odds, when people thought we’d fail or dye yet here we are so don’t come to me saying maybe it was meant to be. The only person who deserves to be alive is Derek”

 

“but-“

 

“No, I don’t want to hear it. How hard is it for you to understand? Just –“ he sighed heavily “I’m not meeting with Deaton that’s final. Do not start something you’ll regret Scott”

 

* * *

 

 

He sat in the middle of the bed rubbing his temples, he could feel a migraine forming “You’re going to fail” he snapped his head towards the familiar voice, a young Derek who barely looked sixteen stood near the window

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence big guy” he slumped against the bed “how many more trails are left”

 

“You’ve only completed one” ‘Derek’ answered, now he was peering over him

 

“Can you tell me what it was or is that against the rules?” he asked closing his eyes

 

“People who do these trails often don’t have full faith in their abilities or reasoning, often in the first trail they crack, believing what they’re seeing is true”

 

“So you’re telling me if I thought the fake Derek’s were real I would what be stuck in limbo or something?” he waved a hand in the air

 

“They aren’t fake”

 

He immediately opened his eyes “what?”

 

“They aren’t fake, they are remembrances he can see you and you can see him but they’re simple memories a constant loop. Did you not think it was odd when they spoke to you as if nothing had happened”

 

He furrowed his eyebrows “But does Derek know he’s... dead? And what about the one with black eyes”

 

“It’s a loop, in his eyes it’s happening in his reality, humans tend to not understand the concept so I wouldn’t bother. The final step in the first trail, like I said others tend to fail and when they’re presented with the creature they refuse to believe it”  ‘Derek’ re appeared on the other the side of the bed

 

“Oh, that makes sense I guess. How long will I see you?” he turned to look at him, now he was seeing an older Derek he would say maybe nineteen years old

 

“Till the end of the trails, I’ve meet few humans that actually complete them, it’ll be interesting to watch you fail or succeed”

 

Without another word ‘Derek’ disappeared “well what a riveting conversation” he turned to lay on his side, rubbing his eyes "you can do this, it'll be fine" he grabbed Derek's sweater bringing it up to his nose, the scent was faint but it was still present "I promise i'll bring you back" he whispered.


End file.
